Can we still be friends? It’s likely one of the first questions that come to mind when a relationship ends. At first, post-romance friendship feels like a given, a necessary consolation prize for what was lost.
Of course we’ll still be in each other’s lives.
These niceties always seem genuine. You still must care for each other, right? After all, it was only moments ago when you considered each other soul mates and lovers. How could your entire relationship suddenly shift from deep intimacy to cordial strangers over the course of a singular conversation? It’s unthinkable…
Yet, it might be the only way to ever move on.
Now I know some of you disagree. Some of your exes are now your best friends or remain a significant part of your lives. You, my friends, are special.
For the rest of us, trying to preserve a friendship with our former romantic partners mostly feels messy, complicated, and painful—which is why I sought to understand if it’s really something we should be pursuing in the first place.
According to the experts, friendship with an ex is possible, but there’s a catch.
You must both be willing to admit that you don’t work together as a couple. Maintaining a healthy relationship post-breakup requires both people “to recognize what worked about the relationship and what did not,” says Dr. Christine Selby, a psychology professor at Husson University. If you can also see that “what brought you together was a strong friendship, then it may be possible to reestablish the relationship as a friendship provided there is a clear understanding that neither of you wants to pursue dating [each other] again.”
And because of our tendency to pine and plot for past partners, author and clinical psychologist Dr.
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